It’s no secret that the loss of a loved one or family member is one of life’s greater tragedies. The idea that a person who once meant so much to us will no longer be playing a key role in our everyday lives is something we uncomfortably get used to over time. But it breaks our hearts and leaves us never the same. We think back to the moments we might have taken advantage of, we wonder why we didn’t call more, why we didn’t value each moment spent with them more. Had I only known their fate, I would have cherished it the best way I could. Then, that day which was a living nightmare comes, easily the worst day of your entire life, and you fall to your knees and scream and cry and are in complete denial of what has occurred. Maybe you saw it coming, maybe it took you completely by surprise, but either way in that moment the rest of your life has been changed forever and you are left with a broken heart no one can mend.
The initial first few days blend together like a whirlwind of mixed colours on an easel. You think back to the funeral and you don’t even remember parts of it, because you were in such shock. There were so many people around and so many wishes sent your way. You’re grateful for the loved ones in your life who show support and love, but it doesn’t change the fact that one of the most important people will no longer be a part of your life. It’s when everyone leaves… In the days that follow, it really begins to hit you what has happened. But it’s in the next year of mourning that you endure a year of firsts unlike any other.
That First Thanksgiving
As you set the table there’s an open seat, and as you pray before dinner and say what you are grateful for, there’s an empty feeling among everyone as you look at the plate that has been unused. You think back to the last Thanksgiving where your life was once normal and you almost yearn for the past wishing you had another day.
That First Christmas
When you come down the stairs on that first Christmas and you open gifts, there will always be someone missing. You may get everything you asked for on your list, but the one thing you really want has been taken from you and you will never get it.
That First Birthday
Whether it’s your birthday or theirs, you wish upon a candle you know you can’t have the one thing you wished for. So instead you wish for strength to get through this, and your wish is granted because your loved one is with you in spirit.
The Family Milestones
Maybe it’s a child who will never have met them or a wedding anniversary. Maybe it was someone else’s wedding they were supposed to be at. Maybe it was the family vacations you are going on, always having room in the car for one more suitcase, but no longer needing it. The dynamics of your family completely change because of death but it makes everyone closer and stronger.
That One-Year Anniversary
That one-year mark approaches and you wonder how you made it through the past year. You think back to all that has changed in your life in just 365 days and although you finally begin to accept what has occurred, it still hurts. What keeps you holding it together is the community of people that have been hurt by the tragedy too. Family or friends, together you realise this community you have built is what has given you strength and for that you are grateful. There is no way to reverse time and there is nothing any of us could have done to change what has happened.
What can be done is learning to value the time you have with the loved one’s around you. You learn to take more pictures and appreciate more moments. You look for signs of your loved ones everywhere. If you believe not even in a God or strict religion but if you believe in their presence among you, they will harbour strength from a greater power to get you through this.
Then one day you may meet again, and while it will have felt like they haven’t been there for your life, you’ll realise they were there the entire time, rooting you on, picking you up when it felt you couldn’t pick yourself up. Our loved one’s are never gone but live within us everyday.
