I like my guy friend and I think he likes me back. We’ve kissed a couple of times but always while drinking – red flag I know! On Friday he walked me home to my apartment and I told him I liked him more than a friend and he said he likes me too. But he looked uncomfortable/nervous. I was thinking, did I scare him off by being too upfront with him? Ultimate question: Do guys get scared by women who are upfront about their feelings?
Dear Hmmm-Good-Question,
I wish I could say, hell no! What a stereotype! Guys loooove when we talk about our feelings! Except, I fear that really might not be the case. The expression of feelings is a delicate dance in an early relationship. Come on too strong and you may scare away your chase. Linger around and drag things on for too long and your guy may lose interest.
They say, and by “they” I mean “me,” that a guy should always like the girl more than the girl likes the guy. When a girl is too openly smitten with a dude and the feelings are imbalanced it honestly often leads to the dude running for the hills. I don’t really know why this is. Maybe because guys didn’t grow up and mature the way girls did with a ton of emotional support.
Women, we’ve been spilling our hearts out to each other since elementary school. We’re very comfortable talking about feelings, expressing feelings, exploring them. Guys are often raised in the exact opposite manner. To speak generally, they’re taught to hold feelings in, that expression of feelings and being emotional makes them weak.
I think for this reason men are generally a bit put off by too much “emotion” too quickly. Also, their brains are built entirely different. In the book The Male Brain by neuro-psychologist Louann Brizedine she explains that the male brain functions very much on a problem-solution basis. In essence, guys brains just want to fix the problem, while female brains want to talk it out.
Women, we’ve been spilling our hearts out to each other since elementary school. We’re very comfortable talking about feelings, expressing feelings, exploring them. Guys are often raised in the exact opposite manner. To speak generally, they’re taught to hold feelings in, that expression of feelings and being emotional makes them weak.
I think for this reason men are generally a bit put off by too much “emotion” too quickly. Also, their brains are built entirely different. In the book The Male Brain by neuro-psychologist Louann Brizedine she explains that the male brain functions very much on a problem-solution basis. In essence, guys brains just want to fix the problem, while female brains want to talk it out.
Ever notice how when you’re sad or upset, a guy will offer you a slew of solutions when really you just want to talk about it?! It’s his brain saying… ALERT! PROBLEM AT HAND! FIX IT!
I think when we express our feelings for a guy early on, his brain sends him into fix-it mode and he feels like he has to do something about it. I know that’s not the case, but I’ve seen plenty of girls lose a crush from their life by telling the guy how into them they are.
I know it’s total bullshit and not fair and seems silly – but love is a game. And when the game is just beginning, never show what hand you’re holding.
