Let’s get something straight. I love alcohol. I love my beer and I most certainly love my rum. I’ll drink anything straight, on the rocks, mixed with something fruity or something filled with caffeine. It’s never mattered to me what kind of alcohol it is as long as it gets the job done.
And that’s where the problem lies.
I always drank for the sole purpose of getting drunk, I wanted to forget my past or to forget my thoughts. And I didn’t want to remember just how much I really didn’t like my life or even myself for that matter.
Drinking with my friends slowly turned into drinking alone. Just me, my alcohol and whatever was on Netflix. I turned my casual relationship with alcohol into a full-blown commitment. Every sip was another relationship milestone and each milestone was another piece of me forgotten.
It took a long time for me to realise it, but the relationship was not the safety net I was searching for. It intensified all the negative aspects of my life that I so desperately wanted to forget. All of the consumption didn’t make me ignore my past, but instead it made me lose who I am.
In May, I decided to give up alcohol and let me tell you, it was not an easy decision. Everyone seems to love to get drunk. I mean, let’s be real, who doesn’t?
Even though at times I struggled to stay sober, it was probably the best choice I could have made in my situation. Drinking is meant to allow us to relax and to enjoy the time we have with our friends. For me, it was exactly the opposite and it started to become an addiction. The depressant properties we always hear that alcohol has truly contributed to a life-changing depression for me.
It’s a lot easier to refrain from alcohol when you’re alone.
The conflict arises when you’re at a party or hanging out with your friends who don’t quite get the negative effect of alcohol like you do.
One of my friends battled alcohol addiction for a long time. The effects alcoholism had on her life were devastating and were slowly ruining her life. It was only once she sought help from a rehabilitation facility like Pacific Ridge that she was able to turn things around. She still finds party environments difficult, but her overall health and self esteem has definitely improved.
Just because I made the choice to not consume, doesn’t mean I didn’t want to. The first time I went to a party after I made my oath of alcohol abstinence, I was tested more intensely than I could have imagined.
People constantly asked if I wanted a drink and the drunker they became, the more frequently they asked me why I was being so lame. What they didn’t realise was that I was drunk. I was drunk with worry, with doubt and with an unsatisfied hole that I desperately wanted to fill. Without even taking a sip, I could taste the beer and liquor on my lips. The desire to drink was overwhelming and eventually I had to leave to prevent a slip.
At this point, all I could think was that being sober absolutely, positively, really sucked. All I wanted to do was let loose and have as much fun as the people around me were having. I wanted to not care what people thought. I wanted to dance around like I used to.
That’s when it hit me.
Why did I need alcohol to make me happy? If that’s the only way I can enjoy my life, I have a lot more to work on.
Alcohol is not meant to be a dependency; it’s meant to be an exemplifier. If you really are happy with your life and where you’re at, you’re going to have an awesome time, but if your demons are so large that they practically rule you, alcohol makes them all the more powerful.
This epiphany is what really helped me overcome the fear of missing out that inevitably occurs when you’re? sober. After a while, I was able to start doing the things I’ve always loved and I did all of them sober. Sobriety became the greatest blessing I could have ever hoped for.
Now, I’ve learned how to cope with my problems. I’ve learned how to deal with my stress, I’ve learned how to have fun without resorting to substances. I’ve learned who I really am, and it feels? great.? The greatest successes in life come from the hardest journeys, and I would relive this journey a thousand times to get to where I am now.
