There are plenty of British stereotypes that we’re used to hearing. We are always with the Queen (personally, I prefer to call her Lizzie), we loudly proclaim ‘Ello Guvnor!’ instead of hello, we stand in shop queues for days on end (not actually complaining, just huffing), and we use posh words like ‘ghastly’ all the time. Oh, we also spend our evenings perched in our flowery armchairs drinking tea, maybe polished down with some scones or… crumpets perhaps?
When I think about it, maybe it’s more than a little true that we love tea. Actually, we don’t love tea, we live it. If there’s a British person who doesn’t like it, you should be worried. Treat them with suspicion. Something is very wrong and you need to get to the root of the problem immediately. I’d suggest lightly interrogating them about their hobbies and finding out if they have a Starbucks Loyalty Card. However, if you do drink tea, you’ll be used to these questions…
What brand do you drink?
Drinking Lipton in the US might be fine, but let it be known that as soon as you cross that rather large pond and your foot touches down on British soil, things in the tea world have changed, my friend. The first rule of being a Lipton fan is don’t ever mention you’re a Lipton fan. If you drink Twinings, Yorkshire Tea, or PG Tips however, you’ll be fine. Drink up, everyone.
How do you make it?
Oh yes, the classic, ‘What came first, the milk or the tea bag?’ debate. It’s very heated. A quick tip for all you rookies: splashing the milk in first is a massive school-boy error. Always opt for the teabag first. Thank me later.
How many sugars do you have?
If you have 2 sugars or more, you’re probably the one that everyone talks about. If you have no sugars at all, everyone wants to be your friend because you are fearless.
What mug do you drink it in?
‘I like big mugs and I cannot lie’, is meek and miserable when held up against Lionel Richie and, ‘is it tea you’re looking for?’
We’ve been infatuated with those little brown bags of joy for nearly four hundred years. Our small and sometimes great island alone imports around 160 thousand tonnes per year from Kenya, Malawi and Zimbabwe – that’s equivalent 21, 333 elephants (it took me a while to do the maths). We elegantly sip or greedily slurp on average 3 and a half cups of tea per day (probably more on Sundays), 27 cups per week and 876 cups per year. That’s enough to fill two entire bathtubs apparently.
Most amusing of all, in a recent study 80% of staff employed in the UK claimed to have found out more of what’s going on at work over a cup of tea than in any other way. So really, the only thing that is, ‘our cup of tea’, is tea itself. With that settled, I’m off to put the kettle on.
